About a network

If there was ever a science which could drive a practitioner crazy, that would be neural networks. Many scientists in the field give it up and move onto greener pastures since the pitfalls of this one has convinced them that it is going nowhere. They all say that the networks are not resembling actual neural units enough, I think it is the contrary.

They resemble actual neural units to an amazing level of similarity. However, the neural unit they are imitating more often than not, belongs to a child, and that too an exceptionally dumb and obstinate one. You know how when you try to teach a kid something, and some days they just refuse to take it in. You might come up with amazing ways to put it across to them, the collective souls of all the great teachers who went before you might be lookin down at you from a higher reality and smiling benevolently. The kid still wont get it. 

Half way through your collossal attempt you will become convinced that the child is a manifestation of pure evil, and that it must be purged. 

Parents who have arranged tutors for their children have often come back to witness the aforementioned children being  chased around the house by a tutor wielding a heavy book and having righteous fires burning in his/her demented eyes. I suppose that patience is the key and all of that rot, however the truth in my eyes is that, if you've tried patience and that failed to light the flame of reason in the child's brain, try another approach. Hey, the cavemen lit their first fire by scraping and banging rocks against each other, maybe similar action applied between a heavy book and the child's noggin would yield similar results.

The same is the condition with most neural networks, like obstinate brats they refuse to learn. The results are comical in most cases, like just today, I programmed a network which was supposed to run with twenty neurons, and once I ran it, I found out that of the 20, only 1 was doing anything at all. This ticked me off not a little.

The one punishment which would not work on a neuron would be electrocuting it, i think it would get a buzz outta that. Or maybe not, I'm not sure, any brain specs around?

"hey there frankie"

"urrrrr"

"so....umm....whats happenin?"

"urrrrr"

"I see...."

"Zap zap no work, me be zapped lots, me still plenty smart....urrrrrrr"

"Right......"

"urrrrr"

"Oh, we're doing that again are we?"

so im gonna keep tapping away at this network and see what i can make it do..maybe if i feed it some castor oil, seemed to work on kids in cartoons...

here....lets see....take that....oh crap!!...sparks and crackles.. wait theres a windows error message..

"NOW YOU'VE DONE IT..!!"

magus