hey there,

so im far away from home, on my own so to speak....or is it so? since i did not work before joining for the masters course, im bein taken care of by my parents...they r payin for me to stay here and take my courses.. and recently i find that the urge to splurge has been takin over a lil bit, in fact, its been takin over a lot....and i have no idea bout how to deal with it. I have always prided myself on bein able to keep a level head about spendin money and that kind thing, however recently i dont know... 

the worst thing is my conscience...it packs a huge kick in the nuts whenever i spend....and for whatever...just the other day i swore to myself that i would not order pizza....and then in an instant of extreme hunger, a few clicks of the mouse...and bang, a hot pizza on its way over..

did i enjoy eatin it? hell yeah... the aftermath...

my conscience dropped the mental equivalent of an A bomb on me....and so may it be known to one and all, that upon my honor as the son of my parents...i shall not waste their money any further..

on another matter...i have always wanted to play in a band...and i did give it a few tries back home..tried to get some stuff goin, but nothin ever worked out....once i came here, i've been able to observe how hard these bands work to get their stuff out there...and mebbe, jus mebbe, the secret behind it, is the amount of work they put in...

and it doesnt stop at the work...the money they put in, at times even slaving away at menial jobs, hangin on to the flickering hope that there is a better tomorrow out there somewhere...

mebbe, this is what separates the actual bands from the wannabes...

i suppose the question to be asked is, at what point must one stop following a dream?? wouldnt it be brilliant if there was some instruction manual for this..sad part is, there isnt any such reference for us to go to, in case we are in doubt....

so what I do is simple....whenever I pray to my gods...i ask them for the continued health and safety of my family whom i love more than the very air i breathe, forgiveness for my sins, and ask them to please put me on the right path....and then theres a part of my being which puts in another weird request...askin the gods to merge what im doin with what is right....

does that happen? heaven knows....but im askin neway..

theres somethin i know beyond ne doubt though..for what seems like the first time, im happy...not all the time..but in occasional flashes..and it feels like being awakened from a long sleep...

but now i gotta sleep for real, its kinda late...so catcha later..

magus.