To be here, or not to be here....

No, this one is not about philosophy or anything. The title is exactly what this one is goin to be about. I had an experience today which made me think about a lot of stuff related to being in the United States of America.

I came back from the office today and as is my habit raided the fridge only to find that we had run out of bread. As all bachelors know an apartment without bread is something inconceivable and so I decided to go to walmart and get the aforementioned bread (yes, I love using the word 'aforementioned' so sue me!!..............on second thought please don't.. :-) )

My walk to walmart was uneventful except for when i was crossing the main intersection and even though the walk sign was on I heard a vehicle from my left coming in fast. I looked to the left and saw this truck coming towards me, slowing down in the process.

Seeing this somehow made me smile in a weird way and I was looking at the truck. I guess the driver thought I was staring him down or something, its not like he said anything or did anything, but something in the way he looked back at me suggested that he had taken offense at something I had done (unless it was my mere presence that bothered him....more on that later).

I got to walmart without any further incident.

After picking up the bread and some chicken to keep it company in the cold confines of our fridge I was on my way back. While crossing the same darn intersection I had reached the other side when I heard a horn honking. In the states you hardly ever hear vehicles using their horns and they only do this if someone else on the road is committing or has already committed some wrong action. Considering this you can understand that I was suddenly on the alert.

I turned to the direction from where the honks were coming and this truck passed me by (not the same one as before, this was more like a truck SUV hybrid..). The guy sitting near the window put his head out and laughed loud, real loud. The laugh was not supposed to be a funny one. In fact, this laugh had not confusion about its identity, it had a card in its bag which clearly stated that it was a laugh created for only one purpose, to mock.

The guy was mocking me.

At the moment I shook my head at this and walked on not really indicating any other emotion. As I walked on however I started thinking about what had happened. Why did the guy do what he did? He doesnt know me, I dont look particularly threatening, and I was not doing anything particularly offensive to anyone except for the chicken in my possession which I admit is a gray area. The only reason why he could have done what he did was because I am not white. There are other streams of thoughts into which this can be sub divided but not without further information so I shall leave it at that.

This made me wonder again, what if he had not simply laughed, what if he had thrown something at me, run me over, pulled over a little ahead and then beat me up or robbed me when I got close, or something even worse. What if?

The question ultimately comes down to this

"How much are you willing to risk for earning lots of money?" (which is not even true in my case, but never mind that)

I miss India..I miss Kerala....I miss my home..

magus.