Worst bus ride ever:

well it was not really a bus, more like a van of sorts but the rest of the title is spot on. So remember the point to which I had recounted the tale last time? We were on our jolly way to this spot called Waagamon (yea I know, whats the deal with the name right?....) and things started off smoothly enough. My first indication of trouble should have been the strange behaviour exhibited by my best buddy vysakh, but I was too busy trying to act like a potential boyfriend/best friend character. I sat right next to her, chattering non stop about this and that, and always trying to steer the conversation around to this new and interesting concept of 'us'.

We stopped for breakfast at this small inn like place (only much less cooler than the inns of yore..). Since the folks taking us on this trip were christians they had no qualms about eating non veg for breakfast, which was an issue I had. I ate like one roti or something along with some curry the nature of which I dare not investigate and then we were off again. I ate only one roti partially because it was not that good, but also because my potential lady love must not see me hogging should she? This in my current opinion is such a stupid reason for not eating properly that I cannot believe that it was I who made that decision back then.

We reached the place and walked around checking out churches, stables, more churches, more stables, some cows which were not in the aforementioned stables, more stables with even more cows who were probably wondering as to the fate of the ones who were not in the stables with them. It was an extremely bovine trip.

During this time I was still pretty much behaving myself and not doing anything totally stupid. As the day progressed we decided to climb this series of hills.

These hills were fourteen in number and each had a small chapel on it. The final hill had a bigger chapel where it was said one could ask for three wishes and they would be granted. At this point I ask all of you, I was into this girl, I was in the 11th grade and had no previous girlfriend(s) to speak of, what do you think i would have wished for. I asked for world peace, an end to global warming, and the continued existence of mankind.....yes.....I did.

If someone yells out bullshit right now I stand guilty. I asked for the same thing thrice over.

"please let her be into me. please let something happen tween us" and so on. you get the drift..!!

The climb was spectacular and I did have some genuine fun. On the way back down I was throwing hints at her like a frikkin machine gun full of hints. It started raining pretty hard after that and we went to a pond or somethin..jus to wash our legs and that kinda thing.

The journey back home was sombre and I use this word since nothng else seems to fit the need here. My best buddy vysakh was sitting next to jennifer and i was elsewhere. This arrangement had come to be since we all rushed into the van since it was raining or something and in this rush we all just sat wherever we could. In my mind I was feeeling ok since I knew that as soon as we got settled in I could ask him to move and that he would. Imagine my surprise when I did ask him and he did not move just gave me an extremely weird smile and sat right there.

Due to his considerable bulk back then it was also impossible for me to move him in any way. So I sat there completely weirded out and really pissed off. Like a petulant and tantrum throwing child I kept on asking him again and again and every single time he did the same damn infuriating thing by smiling at me and not showing any inclination to relocate. On looking back I can see how childish of me this was and how irritating it would have been for him. However, in that moment I was angry enough to rip him apart if I could.

As we got on towards home we started the verbal sparring which was not much of a fair fight. I have this gift (or curse) where I can sharpen my words and their meanings to the point of them being like swords and arrows. I brushed aside his feeble words with contempt and threw my attacks onto him one after the other and watched with something sickeningly close to relish as they punched into and right through him. Eventually, he started crying and some semblance of sense came back to me. That was effectively the end of our friendship as I had known it and as I had cherished it. Even though we patched up after that things were never the same.

Whenever a friendship is established its almost like the trust built there is similar to an innocent child who knows nothing but to act as his/her heart dictates. Whenever something happens which causes a breach of the above trust its almost like the child loses his/her innocence and looks upon the world with grim eyes. This is probably what happened tween me and him.

The south africans left soon after. On the day that they left we hosts were hanging out with them at our schools head center. I took her aside and tried to talk to her but by then the absurdity of the whole thing had dawned on me and I realized that I did not want to say any of the things I had planned on saying and even if I had wanted to I would not have. The girl had a guy whom she liked back in south africa and the guy liked her too, and from all accounts he was a real nice sorta chap. Of all the things I am guilty of being, a douche who hits on commited girls is not one of them. So, our farewell was nice, I sang her a song with no other motive than to sing...and I knew that there were decent chances that I had gained a good friend.

I confess that it took a while before the jumble of feelings in my head could be completely sorted out and in that time I think I sent her like 20 e mails with no response to anything. Finally I got my head cleared up and continued to live my life. She did mail back eventually and we have carried on a correspondence ever since though just recently it died out. The reason for the correspondence dying was nothing other than the fact that our lives had grown too damn different that we could not talk about anything and make any sense to each other. I think I have already mentioned about this phenomenon in an earlier post, it is a sad facet of reality but an immutable one therefore we have to live with it.

One voice still cries out now and then asking a simple question "If she had been commited then why did she express an interest in me and that too not simply as a friend....". The answer to the above was either never created or is hidden beneath layers upon layers of societal programming that we have all received.

When I saw her off at the railway station I gave her one of my prized possessions, a parker fountain pen and i was rewarded with a smile and a hug. Then the train moved away. While the other hosts crowded around the door yelling inside and doing that kinda thing, I stood away from the train just looking at one of the shaded windows not even knowing if this was the one where they sat. The train left.

I got on a bus back home, it was raining, got back and resumed my normal school life. The guy who stayed with me turned out to be a total douche though and never once communicated with ANY of the hosts he had stayed with. Since I was the first one he stayed with I was the one who got all the gifts he brought for the host. These gifts involved a book with pictures of elephants (yea, like i needed another one of those) and a card or something thanking me and my family for hosting him. We still talk about the guy now and then and poke fun at his accent and stuff its not polite but its pure fun and in a minor and non harmful way, its payback.

This concludes the posts about the south africans.....so there..

Magus.