Innocence..

Its a powerful word is it not? The interesting thing being the evolution of the word from something that everyone had in ages past to something that no one has these days. A new born baby is innocent for maybe the first few years of his/her life and then its gone. Sadly enough, the world as it is today has no tolerance for the innocent ones.

A long time ago, a friend I used to have remarked to another friend that one of the best things they liked about me was my innocence. This shook me a little bit since in my eyes I was not innocent in anyway, true I was childlike in certain departments but my mom had always attributed that to my immaturity rather than any innocence.

Just the other day I got a ride from someone at work, and it was quite nice talking and just chilling on the way back home (I don't really do either of those much these days). Later I gave the person a call just to talk and find out what was going on, and guess what? yup.....voicemail..!!

Now for those of you who have not yet figured out that the other person in this story is a girl, really? go home...hide under a rock (for those of you who can do both at the same time since you live under a rock, well done...100 points for that..)..and other cruel stuff like that which I cant be bothered with creating since people are generally stupid these days.

So, voicemails ok...I mean if the persons not there, then shes not there....end of story right? As in, if you are really physically incapable of taking the call then I get that....I'm not so short sighted as to take every natural occurrence as a personal slight..but then , I never got a call back which ticked me off a lot.

I know for a fact that I gave her my number as well when I got hers, and this led me to wonder as to why she would not give me a call back. Note at this point that I had no intentions that were not straightforward, I genuinely wanted to chat with someone I thought was an interesting person...and thats it..nothing more, nothing less. The world works differently I guess.

I wonder if she figured me for some kind of stalker psycho kinda person....and if she did then I wish I knew why because if I am sending out these signals I definitely wanna stop doing that because I am not a stalker psycho kinda person.

In other news I started working and its been going great so far, I love the workplace the people and my manager is one of the few nice ones in the world.

When I am sitting at my desk, reading through document after document on my product and trying to learn the inner workings of it..I find myself wondering about the meaning of life (as cliched as that may sound). Its not that I am not interested in what I am doing, on the contrary I think out of all the areas I could be working in, this one is most interesting (in the realm of computer science of course). Life is ticking away with every second we exist and its running out isnt it? I mean, on average we live till what? 75-80 these days? or if we're lucky (or unlucky depending on your personal outlook) then maybe we hit 90-95. What is it that we were meant to do in that time? if this was all just a huge random mistake then I feel like the whole thing is pointless and we might as well lay down in the mud and wait for oblivion to collect us. However ,if there is some kind of purpose we are meant to fulfill should we not spend every waking moment trying to figure out what this is?

There are times when I can feel the existence of a grand scheme of things within which I am an actor, but it is always fleeting, one moment I can sense the purpose and the next it is gone without so much as an "I'll be back soon".

I can feel it in music, certain songs capture me with the melodic beauty, the notes intermingle to create meaning out of nothingness. Its all about the perfection of the sequence though, as in, if those same notes were played in any other order it would not have the same effect. The different orders might convey different emotions but there can be none other than the "one" which conveys purpose.

At the end of the day though what does it matter what we think? It doesn't matter if you're smart, brilliant, intelligent, funny, wise, kind or anything else.What does matter?

Are you wearing aeropostale? Is that an american eagle jeans ur wearing? Rolex watch? Sports car? facebook profile with a few friends short of infinity? At every pool party in the state? Make rapper like gestures when talking ? and so on....the list goes on... then you're in....you are golden...people shall fawn over you, and the world shall hold you dear.

But...hey....I'm not bitter....

Wraith.