so many things in my life are changing right now...I moved out of my old apartment (aka my safe hiding place), came back to school after nearly an eight month hiatus, my roomie and one of my only friends in the US has graduated and he is moving away, I quit my band...and so on..
Changes are ok...but only if you have a few concrete pillars to support you and to keep you anchored. My pillars at the moment are kinda shaky and so I am floating about in the void quite clueless as to what I am supposed to do.
On the positive side, the new apt is kinda cool and I am having an ok time..trying to get back into a band (audition tonight) and shit like that..
But even as far as the future is concerned I have no clue where I am to go. I tried to visualize myself working on web dev and stuff like that..and my mind just refuses to go there. I mean, at the end of your career what can you look back on?
At least I helped put up a few sites for greedy corporations which want to basically rear door a lot of people...thats only if you are lucky otherwise you would not even have any individual claims to make. Suppose you spent most of your life working as part of a team maintaining some application or something, how pathetic is it to look back and realize that you did not really do anything worthwhile.
Conversations between kids and their grandparents through the ages
long frikkin time ago:
kid - urrr
grandad - errr
kid - booga
grandad - booga booga
and then they went and killed some sabre toothed tigers who never knew why they were being killed and that too by being bonked on their skulls by crudely fashioned clubs. Eventually it became a bad thing in sabre-toothed tiger society to be killed by a human. It was this social stigma that forced them to start picking fights with T-rexs who were too dumb to know much of anything at all.
more recently:
kid - What did thou do today grandfather?
grandfather - Me and mine army sacked another kingdom, thy father was most noteworthy in his feats.
kid - Where is father?
grandfather - whistle---whistle----
kid - Grandfather, where is my father?
grandfather - furious whistling----
kid - starts crying
grandfather - Now, now, Do not shame thy father by crying. He pierced the heart of the enemy's champion and slew him with barely a thought.
kid - So he is still alive?
grandfather - Unfortunately, the enemy's champions horse was none too pleased by its master being slain and it expressed its displeasure in a rather physical way which involved its rear hoof and thine fathers neck.Rather unpleasant actually.
(Why I am not stopping this right now I have no idea...)
much more recently
kid - What did you do grandad?
grandad - I created the most brutal form of music ever
kid - So you mean you were like one of the jonas brothers?
grandad - kicks kid in groin
kid - rolling around in agony
grandad - I said brutal, not faggish..now die..
even more recently..
kid - yo old man, whatdja do?
grandad - whos there?..
kid - ur grandson
grandad - virtual memory severely low, windows must shut down a few programs to keep the old geezer running
kid - knocks old man on side of head thereby solving a problem microsoft engineers have been wrestling with for millenia (yes millenia, before earth, the MS engineers were the think tank for the ruthless zondarian empire based out of the andromeda system. To this day certain similarities can be observed between their terror inducing code back then and their migraine/tumour inducing code now..)
grandad - what, were?....
kid - what the win*%ws did you do back in the day?
grandad - I made websites...!!
kid - yea? anything I might have seen?
grandad - Do you purchase huge orders of chinese umbrellas?
kid - wtf? No I dont..
grandad - then u prolly havent seen nethin I've done..
kid - really? chinese umbrellas?
grandad - yea, they were pretty cool...they had tiny speakers to where you could hook up your ipod.. and a webcam so that you could take pictures in the rain..of course they had to pull those features back since about a million of them short circuited in the rain, instantly killing the bearers..
kid - yea yea, sounds interesting....im gone..
do ya see a pattern here? do ya?
if you dont I cant help ya, if you can I cant help ya....why? cause I am also deeply enmeshed in this system..
I am trying to break out though...
anyway, this has been a long post..so I end it now
Magus..
